


Shards

by Anonymous



Category: steven universe future - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, C-PTSD, Corrupted Steven Universe, Corruption, Gen, Identity Issues, No set updates, Other characters are off-screen, Post-Fragments, Self Harm, So please tread lightly, Steven dealing with triggers, Steven has PTSD, Trauma, animal mentality, corrupted gems don’t have coherent thought, do not repost to another site, emotional strain, if you want chapter specific warnings please let me know, may change to M, no beta we die like men, no set plot, partial corruption, possibly Post-Homeworld Bound, self-injury, since it messes with their programming, so similar with Steven, this one is kinda heavy guys, triggering content, trying not to make it to there though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23391031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: He is sad, he is afraid, he is sorry.He is furious, and angry, and in pain.Corruption isn’t simple.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 148
Collections: Steven Universe Completed Recommended Reads, anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Look I was gonna add a chapter to _Slingshot_ because heck knows we need the fluff, but boy did angst grip me by my throat. It’s almost midnight. Why do I always do this.
> 
> Anyways, half-corrupted Steven, because warping his humanity only partially felt crueler? I may draw a pic I dunno. But uh, may do a second part? From the others POV?
> 
> He’s contained in a steel room, since he can’t access his powers properly but he’s still hella strong. I mean it’s probably like layers of reinforced stuff but yeah.
> 
> Anyways, heavy stuff. Might be triggering so tread lightly please. Take care of yourselves, okay?

He throws himself against the wall, panting and growling. Slips again as glowing shards grow, protruding from his skin, swathes of patchy purple-pink expanding.

He screeches and it’s a bellow of  _ pain _ and  _ fury. _

Slams against the wall again. Scrapes thick claws against the steel, beginning to cry and sob and shudder as parts of him come back to himself.

It is not words, but images and feelings.  _ Shards and shattering and blood _ ; _ fear in their eyes, cracks in his own form, and hurts, hurts,  _ **_hurts-_ **

****

He’s a monster.

He is corrupted.

These are not words he knows but truth he feels, keening when he chances to  _ remember  _ in a vein similar to thinking, before he slips back into attacking and scrabbling at the walls, frothing at the mouth because of his fury and pain.

He snarls when he hears a knock on the closed entrance (where his claw-marks have done the most work); it’s a timid, soft thing. 

A soft voice. “Steven?”

He screeches, static and too-human, a discorded song from a warped body. He shakes his head, claws digging into his curls as he  _ screams _ .

“ _ Ste- uh, Schtu-ball! Calm down! _ ”

“ _ Greg, I don’t know if- _ ”

“ _ Guys; shut up! _ ”

The voices, barely bleeding through the steel, stop. And he twists in on himself, falling to the ground, tail curled tight. His mismatched flesh-and-light-and-scales-and-shards body uncomfortably pulling in as he seeks comfort.

_ Hurts _ , he keens.  _ Hurts - monster - doesn’t want - deserves - _

It’s confused communication, feelings with no meanings. His mind is a mess of glowing and shadows. The tusks and fangs reverberate as he cries out mournfully.

There’s hushed words beyond the closed-entrance, things he cannot hear not understand. He just doesn’t want that sound again, that sound, ‘ _ Steven’ _ , because it  _ hurts hurts hurts _ .

Exhausted, he lays there shaking until the next fit takes him. Until the hushed noises come back to him. Until he feels sharpness in his palms, and sees orange and pink.


	2. An insight (Jasper)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, y’all seem to like this I guess??
> 
> Anyways, no Homeworld Bound I decided. He was going to go and then things diverted.
> 
> Jasper is the only one with experience in self-corruption, specifically, and I have my own ideas that’ll be explored.
> 
> Also, Steven isn’t at his usual power output, hence why he can’t break out. 
> 
> Sorry if this is worded weird I’m really tired but wanna work on this.

It’s amazing, really, how fast that _~~traitor~~_ Peridot got the video feed set up. And the Bismuth this . . .safe room. She was already working on building a cabin-house around it for when _Ro- Ste_ \- the kid was better.

Jasper snorted.

Not like he would ever really get better from this.

She glances; kid’s sleeping, she thinks, curled on the ground. They left him a mattress, with blankets and pillows. He woke up twelve hours ago, shredded the lot, and had been slamming against the walls since.

( _She remembers cutting him off from the warp pad, the fury in ~~her diamond’s~~ his eyes; he couldn’t run, couldn’t run from this._

_He tried.  
  
Barely made it out of the house, to the beach below._

_The Crystal Gems trying to talk to him, his glow, the cracks of code littering his skin and the blossoming corruption._  
  
_He screamed - primal, wordless - turning to run and tripping onto the sand, spikes jutting out from his skin and a tail thrashing_ -

 _How he had **snarled** at her, and she saw the burgundy faded to black, those diamond pupils pink, venomous _-)

“Tch,” she spat, “What a mess.”

“Huh?” Greg-human woke from his doze. “Whazzat, Jasp’r? Stev-o okay?”

Jasper felt disgust curl within her; this weak, pitiful creature casually questioning her? But, it was important to her di- to the kid.

So.

“No.” She turns back to the monitor. “Go back to your useless night cycle.”

Greg muttered something about it not even being night, but she ignored it.

It was- she opens and closes her fists. She is a fighter, a soldier. She hates this waiting around. It is not the patience, but inactivity that gnaws at her. No plan, no action.

And - she remembers. Not details, or coherent thoughts, but - _feelings_ , from before. The absolute pain, confusion, fury, _fear_ that came with corruption.

The corruption was the Diamonds’ fear, their disappointment. For those who had been in the initial blast, that was what had bound their code, _fractured_ it.

Jasper hadn’t corrupted because she tried to fuse with a corruption.

It had been desperation. Heartbreak. Sorrow and fear, for her lost diamond, her purpose, her situation.

Self-corruption is similar, but not the same.

She knows her di- the _kid_. That this is- this is loss of purpose, like her, but different. More. This is fear, fear of self - she thought she could beat it out of him. She, a soldier without a battle, him, a hero without someone to rescue.

But he was a martyr without a cause.

He drove himself to self-destruction, when there was none left to wear himself out for.

(The pearl-trained girl, Connie, had chewed them out on the communication device, when she had called, and learned the situation. And. . .

And then Jasper understood something and nothing at once.)

She turned back to the screen; he was stirring again, looking around warily. She saw the shards littering his back move, as the muscles flexed.

Jasper stood from the chair, code screaming to protect her diamond, to avoid corruption.

She ground her teeth, resolving herself.

If he started going for the walls, she’d go in there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://subtle-shenanigans-fanfiction.tumblr.com/post/614157229943373824/shards-chapter-1-subtleshenanigans-steven Post I made
> 
> Tags may be updated for this fic depending on how much I want to dive into it. I. . .know I have my freedom as a writer but I do worry about people, and I don’t want anyone getting hurt because of a fic. So please, be safe.


	3. Code

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I’ve been asked for more so I shall give I guess!!!
> 
> This has no thorough plot or set update schedule, so.
> 
> Also characters will be portrayed somewhat differently from the show.
> 
>  **WARNING:** This chapter contains self-harm. Even if he’s not aware that is what is occurring, there’s really no other way to describe it.

When he awakens it’s to ringing in his ears and blood humming.

Every fiber of his being - flesh and bone and hard-light and code - is screaming, lacing pain.

It almost takes his breath away, noticing this pain again.

He doesn’t want it - he can’t - he can’t-

He goes for the walls again, tearing claws into them, but it doesn’t relieve the pain in him like before, doesn’t quell the fear.

He slips and slams his shoulder into the wall. Gets up. Does it again. And again.

It’s dull, throbbing, aching that smothers the screaming inside of him, somewhat. It doesn’t stop the pain, but distracts.

_He deserves it he deserves it, for all he has done, all he will do; it’s his burden his punishment he-_

The entrance opens, and he barely registers it. That is, until orange and teal loom in the corner of his vision and he hisses, a feral cry of _stay away_.

It does nothing but cross it’s forelimbs, scowling.   
  


It’s very presence brings back feelings he’s rather not have, and the violence of them ripping through him sends him to the walls with renewed fervor.

He hurtles past orange-teal, which inhales in surprise, slamming into the wall with a heavy _thwack_. He backs up, tail lashing and ready to go again, and-

Orange-teal arms ring around him, pulling him close and holding him soundly, so that he cannot break away. He can breathe, but still he writhes and _screams_ because _no don’t stop him he deserves he must-_

It - she - rumbles and gives him a firm shake, grunting when he bites down on one of the arms hard enough to dent. Still she does not relinquish her hold.

The growl that sounds is familiar but out of his bounds of understanding. He knows he is being addressed, though.

At least ‘ _Pebble_ ’ is not pain like ‘ _Steven_ ’. Or other forbidden sounds he does not recall but knows exist.

They struggle for some time, but the she is resolute, and eventually he grows tired, and falls limp, panting.

Then, things change.

She sits.

She does not let go but adjusts him, grumbling something else. He whines - fear? Inquiry? Confusion? - but is too exhausted to fight further.

(He does not know but he feels the bones he cracked and muscles he tore repairing themselves, perhaps seconds slower than at the height of his health, but still miles faster than anything else. It makes him feel sick in a way that he couldn’t say even if he had words.)

With reluctance, he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper was struggling with him for hours. Fortunately, he only really damaged his shoulder and ribs on one side, probably more like hairline fractures.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: so I will be doing my own version but he looks close to this artist’s partial corruption https://www.instagram.com/p/B3m6Agmljyp/?igshid=18gok5w6fdqqv It is NOT my art, but please give this artist likes and comments!!!


End file.
